Couch summer 2017

** in which I ramble about the transience and imperfection of life & the odd things I picked up on and participated in this summer **

Why does everything have to end, why can’t good things last, why do I have such a difficult time transitioning to the new and accepting change . . .

The older I get, the more I realize how subject things are to change, so I have to just get better at accepting this eventual fate. Nothing is for certain, other than the certainty that everything will eventually change.

Image result for nothing gold can stay

THIS SUMMER: was a brilliant and unpredictable one. Nothing spectacular really occurred, but it felt big for me. It was my first time living away from home in a non-student, I’m-possibly-actually-a-real-adult, building. I had to battle mice, cockroaches, crappy plumbing, trashy neighbors, and….I would not have had it any other way. (I couldn’t have had it any other way. I literally couldn’t afford it. Ah, to pretend I had the luxury of that choice…) Starting off in a nice place without these things wouldn’t have taught me as much. I know I’m still naive, but at least it’s a start.

THIS SUMMER: was my first couch summer. Everyone needs a couch summer. It’s humbling and startling and it forces you to grow up. Life is not perfect and glamorous all the time. Sometimes you end up sleeping on your friend’s couch and making their living room your bedroom for a few months, and that’s ok. I constantly have to remind myself of this. It’s easy to make your life look fabulous on social media. It’s easy to compare yourself to other people on social media. It’s not even a comparison to a person, if you want to get technical. It’s a comparison of profiles – the carefully composed versions of life that people are confident enough to put out there. I digress ~

THIS SUMMER: i learned and experienced different little things because I spent my time with people I normally wouldn’t have been with had I lived at home. I learned about the gym and weight lifting techniques, I learned about bar etiquette, I learned about karaoke and realized how horrible my voice sounds after a few drinks, I learned I can wake up to my own alarm for work. I learned what it felt like to be an adult, or at least got a more firm perception / understanding of adulthood. Your money just goes away to food and  rent and gas, and even with less of a focus on school, you still feel tired all the time, you still feel pulled in a thousand directions at once, and you have to navigate more social issues. I’m not even at the point in my life where I pay all the bills for myself. I thought life would be easier and less stressful after school, but it’s not. Yes you operate on your own schedule, but that means you have to be responsible for yourself. There are no teachers or counselors to shove you along and motivate you.

One day when I’m 30 or 40 or 80, I wonder what I’ll think when I look back on what I’ve written now and see where my mind was. That’s one of the biggest reasons I write, to go back and see how I changed. All the little changes in your life just kind of add up and you don’t notice them all or see the big picture unless you have some kind of record to refer to.

In short, I’m more than glad to have had this couch summer. I know I made the right decision to be here, and that feels terrific. And now that it’s over, or nearly over, I’m already nostalgic for all the times gone by during these past 2.5 months.


Sorry I’ve Been A Shitty Friend: A Multiple Choice Form Letter

So good!!

Wine and Cheese (Doodles)

Dear (fill in name of friend here),

How are you? It’s been way too long, I know. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought of you and then said to myself, I should really (call/write/at least click like on your vacation photos) but I’m sure you know how it goes. No matter how organized I am, it seems like (life/the news/a hangover) is always getting in the way. It’s so true what they say. Time sure does have a habit of flying when you’re (procrastinating/bemoaning the state of humanity/binge watching Better Call Saul), doesn’t it?

Funny thing is, your name came up just the other day. Someone asked me, “Hey, how’s (fill in name of friend here)? (He’s/She’s) got to be almost (ready to move/ready to have a baby/done with school), right? And it…

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The one where it’s the very first post

I don’t know where at all this blog will lead, but honestly, that’s kind of the point. I’ve had a journal since the 4th grade because even then I took things too seriously and decided that if I was going to write, I had to start ASAP. I really thought it would be my career, but things shook out differently. Ended up in nursing school and ended up loving it. Still, I come back to writing to maintain my own personal sanity. I hope that through writing publicly I can create open dialogues on any and all relevant issues. I also hope to help people other than myself learn from my own mistakes and actions,  manage fears and concerns, and realize individual goals and ideas. Perhaps this is too grandiose but it has always been my personal belief that we are all more similar than we realize. All these screens and technology (ironic, given this source) make it easy to forget the very basic things that make us human – what sparks our emotion, and what are our basic needs and wants.

I’ve always been a person who needs a plan, something not just to look forward to as a reward, but some set of specific guidelines. Without this, I feel lost. Now in my final year of college, it’s almost time to fully enter the “real world” — two words that everyone, from the 20-somethings barely older than myself, up to the 90-year-olds who I’ve befriended in nursing homes, says in their own weary way. The “plan” won’t be as cemented now as it has been in the past, where it was structured by lectures, exams, papers, etc. It’s all very daunting and exciting, and I hope to document this and any other thoughts I have on here, in the most readable and enjoyable format possible.

That being said… the basic goals I have in starting this blog are to: 1) write more often, 2) write better – write funny, write emotional, write less rambly, 3) develop better grammar, 4) work with constructive criticism, 5) and start dialogues on topics regarding anything and everything.

Thanks for reading anything that is posted; feedback is so appreciated.