** in which I ramble about the transience and imperfection of life & the odd things I picked up on and participated in this summer **
Why does everything have to end, why can’t good things last, why do I have such a difficult time transitioning to the new and accepting change . . .
The older I get, the more I realize how subject things are to change, so I have to just get better at accepting this eventual fate. Nothing is for certain, other than the certainty that everything will eventually change.
THIS SUMMER: was a brilliant and unpredictable one. Nothing spectacular really occurred, but it felt big for me. It was my first time living away from home in a non-student, I’m-possibly-actually-a-real-adult, building. I had to battle mice, cockroaches, crappy plumbing, trashy neighbors, and….I would not have had it any other way. (I couldn’t have had it any other way. I literally couldn’t afford it. Ah, to pretend I had the luxury of that choice…) Starting off in a nice place without these things wouldn’t have taught me as much. I know I’m still naive, but at least it’s a start.
THIS SUMMER: was my first couch summer. Everyone needs a couch summer. It’s humbling and startling and it forces you to grow up. Life is not perfect and glamorous all the time. Sometimes you end up sleeping on your friend’s couch and making their living room your bedroom for a few months, and that’s ok. I constantly have to remind myself of this. It’s easy to make your life look fabulous on social media. It’s easy to compare yourself to other people on social media. It’s not even a comparison to a person, if you want to get technical. It’s a comparison of profiles – the carefully composed versions of life that people are confident enough to put out there. I digress ~
THIS SUMMER: i learned and experienced different little things because I spent my time with people I normally wouldn’t have been with had I lived at home. I learned about the gym and weight lifting techniques, I learned about bar etiquette, I learned about karaoke and realized how horrible my voice sounds after a few drinks, I learned I can wake up to my own alarm for work. I learned what it felt like to be an adult, or at least got a more firm perception / understanding of adulthood. Your money just goes away to food and rent and gas, and even with less of a focus on school, you still feel tired all the time, you still feel pulled in a thousand directions at once, and you have to navigate more social issues. I’m not even at the point in my life where I pay all the bills for myself. I thought life would be easier and less stressful after school, but it’s not. Yes you operate on your own schedule, but that means you have to be responsible for yourself. There are no teachers or counselors to shove you along and motivate you.
One day when I’m 30 or 40 or 80, I wonder what I’ll think when I look back on what I’ve written now and see where my mind was. That’s one of the biggest reasons I write, to go back and see how I changed. All the little changes in your life just kind of add up and you don’t notice them all or see the big picture unless you have some kind of record to refer to.
In short, I’m more than glad to have had this couch summer. I know I made the right decision to be here, and that feels terrific. And now that it’s over, or nearly over, I’m already nostalgic for all the times gone by during these past 2.5 months.